The Evil That Men Do

Now, come on, chaps. I mean listen here! I’m not about to sit around while my name’s being bandied about like this. I remember sitting in the dugout watching the 1972 friendly match between Celtic and Hamilton Academicals when somebody shouted something offensive to me from the crowd.

‘Oy, Forks!’ they shouted. ‘Your brand of popular gossip-mongering is going to be the death of blogging as we know it in the UK!’

‘Blogging?’ thinks I. ‘What know I of this blogging?’

I turned to my most excellent friend, Stanley ‘Nobbler’ Watson, and said, ‘Hey, Nobbler, what’s blogging?’

Well he chewed his lip a bit and said, ‘I’d imagine it’s not unlike that dogging you hear so much about.’

‘Dogging?’ I asked.

He smiled. ‘It will become very big in the world of professional football,’ he said. ‘Mark my words.’

‘And I did.’

I marked them very well, which is more than I can say about poor Stanley. He knew nothing about blogging but died taking part in some dogging of his own. Got crushed by a truck that backed suddenly over his stepladder.

I digress.

Listen here. I’m not the worse thing out here on the web, you know?

I’m just the most popular and I ask you not to hold that against me.